Before Asserting Consider Kindness

 (by Lorie Codispoti)

After painstakingly going through my cabinets and packing up a few boxes for the second-hand store, I asked my husband if he would mind adding to his list of errands and dropping them off while he was in town. He graciously loaded the boxes and headed out.

When he returned home that day, I could see that he was totally frustrated. He reported that, without even checking the contents of our boxes, the sour faced man receiving our donation sharply chastised him by saying, “You know, it costs us a lot of money to haul away other people’s junk.”

WHAT? Are you kidding me?

The nerve of this guy!

My defenses were triggered and I wanted nothing more than to pay this thankless ingrate a visit. I needed to inform him (aka… set him straight) that I don’t give “junk.” I wanted him to know that it takes more time to wrap all the glass and package things neatly into a box than it would for me to simply throw them away. Not to mention the fact that we live thirty minutes from town and it takes time and effort to deliver this “junk” to them for resale... which, by the way, pays his and his co-worker's salaries. I was hot and he was about to be baked in the oven of my fury.

However, when my defense is triggered like this, I’ve learned that before I move forward with any intention, I need to take a few steps B.A.C.K. (Before Asserting Consider Kindness) and assess my heart.

My prayerful contemplation revealed two very unpleasant things about my motives.

1) I had expectations I shouldn’t have had.

While I may have been cheerfully contributing items that help to support the worthy cause of this organization, I was expecting an equal measure of gratitude as compensation. And when it wasn’t given, the ugly in me was pre-heated.

B.A.C.K lesson: Give without expecting others to reciprocate.

“When you give to the needy, sound no trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may be praised by others…. But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret...”(Mt.6:2-4)

I understand that Jesus’ illustration here is hyperbolic, but I also think there’s significance to his literal example. What if - because we have a tendency to give with one hand while expecting accolades placed in the other - the key to “giving in secret” involves spiritually putting our left hand behind our back in order to protect the anonymity of our right hand? What a great way to guard our hearts. Pretty cool way to give too.

2) I reacted just like he did.

My response to Sour Face may not have been in-person, but it was as crass and unkind as his response to my husband. I wanted to make him feel the same way his inappropriate comment made me feel. 



B.A.C.K. lesson: Compassion is stirred when one considers the plight of others.

I was angry with this man for impulsively speaking, without taking the time to investigate the contents of our boxes. Stepping B.A.C.K. enabled me to realize that my retort was just as impulsive, and taking time to consider what might be in his box changed my attitude.

This man is assigned to a portable container, stationed in the corner of a shopping center parking lot. He works in all kinds of weather with no heat or air. I’m sure he deals with all kinds of people and has to sort through plenty of “junk” contributions. When I ponder his condition and consider his predicament, all I want to do is bake the man some cookies, and let the oven of God’s kindness bake off all the ugly in my heart.

(I’m not excusing the man’s rude behavior. He is a representative of his organization. He’s the person every contributor encounters. He failed to examine the contents of our boxes before he spouted his distain, and that is inexcusable.)

The last part of the verses I quoted above says, “And your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.” No earthly compensation can compare to the reward of our Heavenly Father.

Like Jesus, not all of our good deeds are received with gratitude. So, be like Him and give without expectation. And when your generosity is met with unkind words, take a few steps B.A.C.K. Consider your words, as well as the circumstance of your offender.

Who knows, you might want to bake a batch of cookies. Serve them on a plate though; boxes don’t present well.

Interesting Food Origins

(by Lorie Codispoti)

For health reasons, I’ve had to make some radical changes to my diet over the last few years. I’ve learned more about food science than I ever cared to know.

There is something I’ve actually enjoyed learning about food, however, and that is the etymology of some of my favorites. The history behind some of these origins is quite entertaining. I mean, have you ever wondered who put the “marsh” in “mallow” and why there is no “ham” in your “burger”? The research has been fun so I thought I’d share some of my interesting discoveries with you. We all need a bit of comedy these days.

(Before I start, I thought I’d throw in this little, obscure fact about the Food and Drug Administration... Before 1920, the FDA was known as the Food, Drug and Insecticide Administration. Interesting, huh?)

Okay, here we go…

Hamburger - Why all the pigs are safe.

Hamburgers originate from the German city of Hamburg. It’s home to a cut of beef called the Hamburg steak. In 1940 an attempt was made to change the word to “beefburger,” to emphasize the main ingredient, but someone must not have liked the idea because obviously didn't take.

Pizza - Deep dish with lots of mushrooms, olives, and cheese, please.

Though pizza originated in Greece it was the Italian Queen Margherita who made it famous. In 1889, while out inspecting her kingdom she noticed peasants eating large pieces of flat bread. She became so curious that she tried one, and it quickly became one of her favorite foods. To honor his queen, a local chef created a pizza that he topped with tomatoes, Mozzarella cheese, and fresh basil – the colors of the Italian flag.

Coconut - Can anything bad come from a coconut?

Interesting tale: During the 16th century Portuguese parents threatened their children with a bogey-man named Coco (derived from a Latin word that means skull). When Portuguese traders visited the Pacific islands and saw the large, brown fruit of the palm trees, with its three black “eyes,” they were reminded of their childhood horror, Coco. The jury is still out on whether Coco is a nut or a fruit, but “coconut” seems to roll off the tongue easier.

Chewing Gum - I always feel for the kids who wear braces and have to give up their gum for a couple years.

It was 1869, and after many failed attempts at turning chicle into synthetic rubber products like boots, bicycle tires, toys, and masks, Thomas Adams decided to pop a piece of the natural gum from the Manilkara chicle tree into his mouth. After enjoying it and chewing for a while he thought of adding flavoring. It wasn’t long before Mr. Adams opened the world’s first chewing gum factory, and we’ve been chewing on his discovery ever since.

Popcorn - One legend talks of a summer so hot that the corn started popping right off the stalks. (I’d like to live next to that field.)

We all know that the Native Americans introduced corn to the colonists, but did you know that the Iroquois used a pottery vessel with heated sand to make popcorn soup, and that the colonial women mixed sugar and cream with popcorn and served the first “puffed” cereal?

During the Great Depression popcorn was one of the few luxuries one could afford, and the popcorn industry thrived while many others failed.

French Fries - No better way to serve potatoes, in my opinion.

The next time you visit your local fast food restaurant try ordering “potatoes fried in the French manner” and see what kind response you get.

Originally from Belgium, French fries gained popularity among American soldiers when they were stationed there during WWI. But, before that, Thomas Jefferson introduced them to the colonies in the late 1700’s. In one of his manuscripts, he talks about a French dish ,where thin, small slices of raw potato are deep-fried and served hot. Some historians have identified a French chef; maybe that’s how they came to be known as French fries.

In 1853 Cornelius Vanderbilt complained that his fries were too thick, so a chef decided to slice the potatoes paper thin and fry them. Hello, potato chips!

Marshmallow - How about a lovely bouquet of marsh mallows?

The marsh mallow is a hardy plant whose blooms are quite lovely. They were considered to be a weed until medieval herbalists made mallow syrup from the roots and used it as a cough suppressant. Gum Arabic was added and it became such a popular confection that it later evolved into the marshmallow. Hot chocolate and sweet potatoes have never been the same.

Avacado - I refuse to let this influence my love for guacamole.

Colorfully known as the fruit of the “Testicle Tree,” the Aztecs named the avocado after the male body part they felt it most resembled. Fully fruited, avacados hang from the trees in twos, and have a longstanding reputation as aphrodisiacs.

Whoopie Pies - Who doesn’t love cake with cream in the middle?

Though there is no proof, some claim that the name actually comes from the Gus Kahn song "Makin' Whoopee."

Nevertheless, these pillowy, cream-filled confections were created to make use of leftover cake batter. One theory links them to the Amish. Another legend describes children opening their lunchboxes, and upon discovering the treat they would shout, "Whoopie!"

Bubble Drink - Because I love the fizz.

(Technically not a food, but I had to include this favorite. My grandchildren call carbonated water, “bubble drink,” so I’m attributing the origin to them. I’ve become so used to calling it by this new name that I actually ordered it with my food one day. The waitress and I laughed after I explained myself. She remembered me on my next visit and asked, “Bubble drink”? I think it’s catching on.)

What about those foods with strange, or even gross stories? None of these would ever reach my pallet, but I thought their origins were interesting enough to include here.

Century Eggs - Uh, no thanks!

While they are not 100 years old, these eggs are aged for a few months in a brine that turns them black. Sound appetizing?

SPAM - A mystery meat for the brave explorer.

The name is said to have originated from “SPiced hAM,” but in 2019 advertisements turned it into the acronym, Sizzle Pork And Mmmm.

Witchetty Grub - Is this the “cream filled kind” that Pumba talked about in Lion King?

The indigenous Australians were the first to discover that the larva of a moth, that feeds on the Witchety Bush, could be tasty. It is eaten raw or cooked, and is said to taste like chicken. I’m thinking I’ll stick to my chocolate protein shake - I’m sure not to taste it twice.

Rocky Mountain Oysters - While from the Rockies, these are not oysters.

In an effort to keep this article disclaimer free, I’m going to let you research this one on your own. All I can say is GROSS.

Every food has an origin, and very likely an interesting story. If you were writing a family cookbook, which of your favorite culinary masterpieces would you include for future generations?

Forgiveness For Mother's Day

(by Lorie Codispoti)

Every year was the same. I’d search through the card display and walk away frustrated and empty handed.

Most of the Mother’s Day cards host a litany of accolades and thanksgivings. And why wouldn’t they? It’s a day set aside to honor mothers, and a great way to express the biblical command to “honor your father and your mother.” But, I could never find a sentiment that fit. The best I could do was to call my mother, wish her well, and pray for God to intervene and mend what broke.

You see, when your childhood is marked with neglect, abuse and abandonment, and the word “family” is associated with disjointed parts and dysfunctional patterns, your view of a loving parent is skewed. Confusion builds an unstable house and the concept of “home” is a foreign and unattainable one.

Fast forward a few decades.

Due to circumstances outside of her control, my mother was forced to move in with my sister - across the street from me. My sister became an instant caregiver, and I became her assistant (picking up the slack when she was working). To say that this time was difficult is an understatement. Mom didn’t want to be here, and if I’m honest, I’d have to say that I didn’t want her here either. I was perfectly content with the shallow relationship we managed to salvage from the wreckage of our experience together. I knew that her being this close would mean we’d have to face some things we had both swept under the rug a long time ago. I was not eager to deal with the dust cloud I could see coming when God steps in to renovate areas that have been neglected for a long time.

Forgiveness is hard to walk, but beautiful to live.

To forgive means “to lift off - to carry away.” It communicates a loosening or complete removal of a barrier.

One of the things I learned about forgiveness, after my mother moved here, is that while there is the “one and done” price that Christ paid in order to secure the forgiveness of our sins, there’s an ongoing feature of forgiveness that involves “lifting” and “removing” the dirt that surfaces during the process of rebuilding a relationship.

Anyone that renovates houses will tell you that it’s easier to build from scratch than it is to refurbish an old house. Renovations are expensive, time consuming, and can involve unforeseen obstacles that take you by surprise.

When God is invited into a broken relationship, He begins the renovation process. His love tears down the barriers that keep forgiveness from flowing; His word softens and transforms hard hearts; and His Spirit enables you to pick up those broken pieces, look at them, and surrender each one to the Master Renovator.

During the years that Mom was here with us, God did amazing things - more healing and restoration than I ever thought was possible.

When Joseph forgave his brothers for throwing him in a pit, selling him as a slave, and telling his father he was dead, he said, “What you meant for evil, God meant for good.” He was reunited with his family and they began the process of renovating their relationships.

Was everything Joseph lost, including years of separation, restored to him? No! You can’t restore what’s been lost, but sometimes you can be reconciled and walk in the renewal that God’s forgiveness affords every believer.

Mom, I can’t send you a card this Mother’s Day, but if I could:

~ The cover would picture a white rose in the foreground. (Your favorite flower, and a symbol of new beginnings.)

~ And, behind the rose would sit an old house, under construction. (Illustrating the ongoing and transformative work active in our relationship.)  

~ Inside, the card, I would express my appreciation to God, for the years He gave us to mend the holes that brokenness wears in the hearts of wounded people.

~ I’d tell you that I miss our fun times, and laughing together over silly things.

~ I'd tell you that those last months of reading and discussing books that talked about our forever home, where renovations cease and all is restored, meant as much to me as they did to you. 

"Happy Mother's Day, Mom! I love you!