Forgiveness For Mother's Day

(by Lorie Codispoti)

Every year was the same. I’d search through the card display and walk away frustrated and empty handed.

Most of the Mother’s Day cards host a litany of accolades and thanksgivings. And why wouldn’t they? It’s a day set aside to honor mothers, and a great way to express the biblical command to “honor your father and your mother.” But, I could never find a sentiment that fit. The best I could do was to call my mother, wish her well, and pray for God to intervene and mend what broke.

You see, when your childhood is marked with neglect, abuse and abandonment, and the word “family” is associated with disjointed parts and dysfunctional patterns, your view of a loving parent is skewed. Confusion builds an unstable house and the concept of “home” is a foreign and unattainable one.

Fast forward a few decades.

Due to circumstances outside of her control, my mother was forced to move in with my sister - across the street from me. My sister became an instant caregiver, and I became her assistant (picking up the slack when she was working). To say that this time was difficult is an understatement. Mom didn’t want to be here, and if I’m honest, I’d have to say that I didn’t want her here either. I was perfectly content with the shallow relationship we managed to salvage from the wreckage of our experience together. I knew that her being this close would mean we’d have to face some things we had both swept under the rug a long time ago. I was not eager to deal with the dust cloud I could see coming when God steps in to renovate areas that have been neglected for a long time.

Forgiveness is hard to walk, but beautiful to live.

To forgive means “to lift off - to carry away.” It communicates a loosening or complete removal of a barrier.

One of the things I learned about forgiveness, after my mother moved here, is that while there is the “one and done” price that Christ paid in order to secure the forgiveness of our sins, there’s an ongoing feature of forgiveness that involves “lifting” and “removing” the dirt that surfaces during the process of rebuilding a relationship.

Anyone that renovates houses will tell you that it’s easier to build from scratch than it is to refurbish an old house. Renovations are expensive, time consuming, and can involve unforeseen obstacles that take you by surprise.

When God is invited into a broken relationship, He begins the renovation process. His love tears down the barriers that keep forgiveness from flowing; His word softens and transforms hard hearts; and His Spirit enables you to pick up those broken pieces, look at them, and surrender each one to the Master Renovator.

During the years that Mom was here with us, God did amazing things - more healing and restoration than I ever thought was possible.

When Joseph forgave his brothers for throwing him in a pit, selling him as a slave, and telling his father he was dead, he said, “What you meant for evil, God meant for good.” He was reunited with his family and they began the process of renovating their relationships.

Was everything Joseph lost, including years of separation, restored to him? No! You can’t restore what’s been lost, but sometimes you can be reconciled and walk in the renewal that God’s forgiveness affords every believer.

Mom, I can’t send you a card this Mother’s Day, but if I could:

~ The cover would picture a white rose in the foreground. (Your favorite flower, and a symbol of new beginnings.)

~ And, behind the rose would sit an old house, under construction. (Illustrating the ongoing and transformative work active in our relationship.)  

~ Inside, the card, I would express my appreciation to God, for the years He gave us to mend the holes that brokenness wears in the hearts of wounded people.

~ I’d tell you that I miss our fun times, and laughing together over silly things.

~ I'd tell you that those last months of reading and discussing books that talked about our forever home, where renovations cease and all is restored, meant as much to me as they did to you. 

"Happy Mother's Day, Mom! I love you!